Some wedding traditions have stood the test of time: the ring exchange, the first dance, the cake cutting. But one long-standing custom is changing fast: the wedding registry.
In the past, couples registered at a department store or major retailer, building a checklist of everything they’d need to start their lives together. Now, a new survey of more than 1,300 Good Housekeeping readers shows that couples are rewriting the rules and blending traditional etiquette with new ideas—whether that means registering for fewer physical gifts, more experiences, or even cash.
“Wedding registries aren’t what they used to be,” says Lexie Sachs, executive director of the Good Housekeeping Institute. “Couples aren’t starting from scratch; they’re building upon a life they’ve already created. They’re looking for gifts that feel useful, meaningful, or even experiential, rather than unnecessary or wasteful.”
I spent nearly two decades as a wedding editor, and I have witnessed this shift firsthand. Here’s how couples are reimagining the registry—and what to expect if you’re attending a wedding in the near future.
Wedding registries now reflect modern life
In the past, wedding registries—an engaged couple’s wish list of gifts they’d like guests to choose from—helped newlyweds furnish their first home together. In the 1960s and early 1970s, only about 11% of couples lived together before marriage, so many people used their registry to request the essentials they’d need when they started their joint household, like dinnerware, kitchen tools, and bedding.
Today, more than 80% of couples live together before marriage—and already own the basics—so the role of the registry has shifted to reflect what couples actually need and want now.
It’s actually okay to ask for cash (but context matters)
So what do couples actually need and want? It’s quite simple: cash.
While asking for money was once seen as impersonal or even rude, attitudes have changed. Today, most guests are open to seeing a request for cash—especially when couples are transparent about how the funds will be used, whether for a honeymoon, a house purchase, or other future plans. Fortunately, there are many services available that make registering for cash less awkward and more guest-friendly.
According to our survey, 27% of respondents say it’s always okay to ask for cash, and an even larger share—42%—say it’s acceptable when the purpose is clear.
Perhaps unsurprisingly, younger adults, including Gen Z and Millennials, are more open to people asking for money on registries than older adults. Still, the majority of adults 55 and over are generally fine with it too.
Gift registries are now a suggestion, not a rule
Whether a couple registers for traditional gifts, honeymoon experiences, or cash, it’s usually safest to stick to their list. That said, our survey suggests there’s some flexibility:
- 1 in 5 respondents believe guests should always follow the registry.
- 3 in 5 say small deviations from the registry are fine.
- Another 1 in 5 say it’s okay to go completely off-registry.
There are plenty of reasons for this shift. Some guests find registry items too expensive and need to deviate to acknowledge the occasion while sticking to a budget; others prefer to give something more personal or sentimental.
In some cases, the couple getting married appreciated the unique gift. In fact, 18% of survey respondents said that a personalized gift was their favorite gift they received, especially if the item displayed the couple’s names and wedding date.
While going off-list can pay off, it can also be quite risky: More than 62% of respondents who created a registry said they received an off-registry gift they didn’t like. (I can personally attest to this—I recently tossed a framed, glued-together jigsaw puzzle of a tea set that was gathering dust in my basement.)
Experiences are replacing “stuff” for many couples
The biggest shift in wedding registries these days? “Registries are less about building a home and more about enhancing a life,” says Sachs.
According to survey respondents who have created a registry in the past 10 years, two-thirds were already living together and therefore didn’t need home essentials. Instead, couples are opting for experiences (like the honeymoon), cash funds (often to purchase a home), and practical items they’ll actually use but may not be able to purchase for themselves.
If you’re set on giving a physical gift, our survey shows couples gravitate toward practical picks: outdoor living items like patio furniture or grills, high-use (and often high-cost) kitchen tools like stand mixers, and even unglamorous but useful home improvement essentials.
While fine china was once a registry staple, many couples today see less value in formal gifts. In our survey, when we asked registrants what they requested but never used, the most common answer—at 20%—was formal dinnerware.
The cost of attending the wedding itself is changing gift expectations
While the average wedding gift may cost between $100 and $200, there are a lot of factors that affect how much guests spend on gifts. According to our survey, 90% of respondents said that certain factors would make them spend less on a wedding gift, with not being close to the couple and flights or significant travel being the most common.
With destination weddings on the rise and families more spread out than they used to be, guests are spending more just to attend the wedding. These days, guests are factoring in all of the costs associated with accepting a wedding invitation—and adjusting their gift budget accordingly.
The bottom line for couples and guests
✔️ If you’re planning a wedding: Focus your registry on what you’ll actually use. You can skip the fine china and register for what fits your life, whether that’s camping gear, pet essentials, or upgraded versions of things you already love (hello, new espresso machine!). But keep your guests in mind too. Some will be happy to give cash, while others will prefer to give a physical gift. Offering a mix of options—cash funds, experiences, and tangible items—is often the best approach.
✔️ If you’re attending a wedding: Remind yourself that the couple created their registry for a reason, so it’s usually best to stick to their wish list. Personalized gifts can be thoughtful, but they can also be risky—especially when they can’t be returned. If you’re unsure, remember the golden rule of guest gift etiquette: You can never go wrong with cash.
Kim Forrest is a writer and editor based in Maryland, where she lives with her husband and two tweens. A graduate of Williams College and the Columbia Graduate School of Journalism, Kim covered weddings at The Knot and WeddingWire for 12 years. Her work has also appeared in Washingtonian, The Bump and Brides.com.
