Snorkeling in Hawaii. Skiing out west. Hiking in Olympic National Park and exploring Seattle. The thrills at Universal Epic Universe. These are the four choices I presented to my nephew Charlie for his spring break this year—his senior year in high school—in an effort to go big and make this the most memorable yet.
When Charlie was born 17 years ago, I knew I would be what has been coined a “professional aunt no kids,” or a PANK. And I wasn’t alone. According to GENERATION PANK, a report on the social and economic influence of professional women without children published in 2018, there are 18.4 million PANKS between the ages of 20 and 50 in the U.S.
But I wanted to be more than a PANK—I wanted to be Charlie’s cool aunt and show him the world. As an avid traveler, I decided that I would be the one to take him on adventures and instill my love of globe-trotting in him. For years, I have leaned into my sense of adventure, from swimming with whale sharks off the coast of Mexico and SCUBA diving the wall of sharks in French Polynesia, to ice climbing in Colorado and canyoneering in Utah. I was determined to extend my legacy to Charlie, my love of learning about the world and exploring new cultures and that’s just what I’ve done.
The Importance of Aunts
In her Psychology Today article “With Love to My (Childless) Aunts,” Rebekka Grun von Jolk, Ph.D., says, “supportive and nurturing relationships beyond the nuclear family can be a valuable source of emotional support.”
She tells me that aunts play a significant role in shaping the lives of their nieces and nephews, providing emotional and spiritual guidance in addition to material support, all of which fosters a rich sense of identity. “Children often explore different roles and perspectives more freely with other adults [than their parents], supporting identity formation during adolescence,” she says.
My first adventure with Charlie was when he was just over a year old and visited my husband and me in Florida, with his parents in tow, of course. We spent a few days on Anna Maria Island and I took Charlie into the Gulf of Mexico for his first “swim.” He splashed and laughed and loved it. Listening to his laugh and seeing his smile, I was instantly hooked on aunthood.
Growing Through Travel
A few years later, we began our annual tradition of going on spring break together. Our preschool adventures found us back on the Gulf Coast in Clearwater Beach, where I shared some of my favorite things with Charlie: he made s’mores for the first time at the Sandpearl Resort; met Hope, one of the resident dolphins at the Clearwater Marine Aquarium; and swam in the Gulf, splashed in the pool, and hunted for fossilized sharks’ teeth on the beach.
I knew my adventurous influence on Charlie was taking hold when he was 4 and went “zip lining” at his preschool. After his ride he told Karen, his mom and my sister, that he was “copying Susan in Costa Rica,” referencing photos she shared with him after one of my trips.
But Charlie isn't the only one who has learned and grown through our time together. That first snorkeling trip proved to be a challenge for me. Growing up an Army brat, I learned to snorkel when I was in preschool and we lived on Oahu, where Hanauma Bay was my personal, girlhood aquarium. I have been snorkeling so long that I don’t remember learning, and I don’t remember a time that I haven’t donned a mask to explore the underwater world every chance I get.
I was so eager to share my passion with Charlie that I didn’t consider he might feel nervous about venturing into deeper water filled with unfamiliar marine life. Even as a confident swimmer, the experience reminded me to slow down and be present for his firsts. He eased in gradually—starting at the ladder, then practicing with the mooring line—before quickly gaining confidence. Soon we were exploring coral reefs together, with Charlie swimming alongside barracuda and reacting with wonder to every new creature. In the end, he learned to snorkel, and I learned the value of patience and fully savoring the moment.
This year’s spring break brought its own lesson for both of us: the importance of flexibility. With airfare prices climbing beyond my budget and a delayed ski season out west due to low snowfall, our options narrowed, and we had to adjust our plans. I worried I might be disappointing him when I suggested staying local, but without missing a beat, Charlie said, “Universal, it is!” My heart skipped when he added that all he really wanted was to spend time together this spring break. It means so much to me that not only does he value traveling, but he also enjoys spending quality time with me.
A Lifelong Role
In his book, The Forgotten Kin: Aunts and Uncles, considered “the first comprehensive study of its kind,” Robert M. Milardo, PhD, examines how aunts and uncles contribute to the lives of parents and their children. He found they not only complement and support the work of parents, but also developing lifelong friendships with their nephews and nieces too.
“Knowing that Charlie has someone else he can count on, someone who will help guide him towards the right path in life, someone who will always be by his side, is one of the greatest gifts my sister has given me,” my sister Karen says. “The special bond they have is one I know they will continue for a lifetime.”
Seventeen years into being an aunt, the role is one I treasure. Not only has Charlie become one of my favorite travel and adventure buddies, but a friend too. Sure, there are times when I have to be an authority figure and say “no,” but for the most part I’m a confidant and “cool aunt.”
Looking ahead to Charlie’s future, college in the fall and what will surely be a lucrative career in the years to come, I like to think that I’ve helped pave the road for his success. Grun says that may very well be the case, that the benefits of relationships like Charlie’s and mine extend well beyond childhood, including improved employment outcomes, relationship stability, and civic participation.
We don’t know what the future holds, but one thing Charlie knows is that I will readily be by his side, along for all the adventures that come our way.
