There’s plenty to do to prepare for a baby’s arrival, like designing the nursery, creating a baby registry, and shopping for tiny, adorable clothes. But before any of that, you have to choose your baby’s name.
What should be one of the most fun, imaginative, and meaningful parts of a pregnancy can also be the most daunting. With so many options and sources of inspiration, finding the perfect name for someone you haven’t even met yet takes time, not to mention patience with all the unsolicited opinions from others.
Plus, there’s all the talk of baby-naming etiquette. Here’s how to navigate all these so-called “rules,” and whether you even need to consider them when choosing a name for your little one.
Is it OK to use a name someone else suggested?
You can absolutely use a name someone else gave you, says Taylor A. Humphrey, baby name consultant with What’s in a Baby Name. “One of the great joys of baby naming is discovering a name you might never have considered,” says Humphrey. “As a professional baby-name consultant, my entire career is built around introducing parents to names they might not have discovered on their own.”
There’s one caveat, though, says Jennifer Moss, founder and CEO of BabyNames.com, and that’s if the person suggested the name for their own baby. “That’s called ‘name sniping,’” she says.
Can cousins have the same name?
“This comes up in the ‘name sniping’ conversation a lot,” says Moss. “I would say no if they have the same last name, or if they’ll be living in close proximity or attending the same schools.”
If the cousins are distantly related, see each other less than twice a year and are more than 10 years apart, Humphrey says the name is fair game.
“Sometimes, honor names can be meaningfully shared or repurposed within close-knit families,” she says. “For example, I worked with a family in which all of the female cousins shared the middle name ‘Rae.’ Rather than diminishing its significance, the shared name became a beautiful family tradition.”
What if people have a bad reaction to the name?
Humphrey says other people’s reactions to a name often reflect their own tastes, associations and experiences, not an objective assessment of the name itself.
“A name that sounds old-fashioned to your mother might have a certain vintage charm to you,” says Humphrey. “A name your long-distance best friend considers too unusual for her neck-of-the-woods might be perfect for the area your child will grow up in.”
“If you’ve found a name that you and your partner genuinely love, one that feels true to your child, I wouldn’t allow someone else’s subjective preferences to undermine your connection to that name,” she adds.
What if your partner shies away from being involved?
“It’s difficult to settle on a name if one parent is doing all the heavy lifting, and the other one just has veto power,” says Moss. “Make sure both parents, if there are two, come to the table with suggestions. It’s so much easier to find a name you both love!”
Should family members have a say in naming your baby?
“For many families, naming is an intergenerational tradition, and grandparents can be wonderful resources for family history, ancestral names and cultural naming customs,” says Humphrey. “Sometimes they can even introduce parents to beautiful names that might otherwise have been lost to history.” But ultimately, the decision belongs to the parents.
Distinguish between opinions you’ve actively solicited and opinions that have simply been imposed upon you, she adds. “You can appreciate someone’s perspective without feeling obligated to accommodate it.”
What if you regret the name you chose?
It’s surprisingly common for parents to have some level of baby-name regret, says Humphrey.
“When parents do decide to change their baby’s name, they often feel embarrassed about explaining it to friends and family,” she says.
Offer a simple explanation paired with a clear directive: "We loved the name we originally chose, but once they arrived, we realized another name felt right for them. We’re so excited to invite you to call him by their new, forever name, XYZ! You don’t owe anyone a more elaborate justification than that.”
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