With the end of school marking the official start to the summer season, that means it’s time for one thing: gatherings. If you’re the go-to house for your family and friends, you’ve probably already known all the rules surrounding hosting etiquette.
The other side of hosting is being a guest. Whether you're heading somewhere for a Sunday brunch, taking over your sister’s guest bedroom with the kids for a few days, or casually stopping by your best friend’s house to catch up on your favorite reality TV shows, the basic rules for being a house guest remain the same. If you want to be sure your name remains on the guest list for all the summer shindigs and beyond, we asked hospitality experts for the rules they think every house guest should know.
Get comfortable, but not too comfortable
Amber Mayfield Hewett, the founder of To Be Hosted and author of the book Your Turn to Host, says that as an overnight guest, the maximum stay is three nights, or the length of a long weekend. Anything more than that might feel too disruptive to the host's typical schedule. While a great host is always hospitable, a great guest knows when it's time to ease on down the road (i.e., leave).
Send a thank-you note
Hewett also shares that while most people know not to arrive empty-handed, writing and mailing a thank-you note is a special way to express gratitude and truly match the effort the recipient put into hosting you.
Although you can pick up a generic pack of cards from any retailer, if you plan to visit multiple people, consider using websites like Paper Source or Papier to create a set of customized cards.
Include details in your note
Hosts put time, care, and intention into creating an experience, and hearing what stood out makes it all feel worthwhile, says Christian Aliotte, co-founder of The Home Sweet Hosts, a platform dedicated to helping people host amazing parties and events in their homes.
Sharing what you enjoyed most, whether it was the atmosphere, the food, the drinks, or a specific moment, shows genuine appreciation and thoughtfulness.
Consider the impression you’re making
“The best advice for being a great house guest is to be mindful of how your host will feel once you leave,” says Dylan DiTullio, rooms executive at The Ritz-Carlton, Key Biscayne, Miami. “The goal is for them to feel grateful they had you, not relieved that you’re gone. While small details like tidiness matter, what truly stands out is the way you make people feel when you’re welcomed into their space. Thoughtfulness, respect, and genuine appreciation go a long way.”
Don’t bring anyone unexpected
Whether you’re coming over for a meal or spending the night, your host has prepared for a set number of guests. “It may not seem like a big deal, but it is,” says Star Taylor, CEO of Sage Allure Events and Decor. “A lot of work goes into prepping for special events like a dinner party. The last thing you want to do is burden your guest by bringing an extra person unexpectedly.” Even asking at the last minute can be frustrating, and force your host to pivot.
Consider dietary restrictions a shared expense
Taylor also notes that while your host is happy to accommodate you, costs associated with dietary restrictions should be shared. “It’s customary for the host to get things that would make their guest feel welcomed. But if you plan to stay for a while, buy those things yourself, especially things that they can’t use after your departure.” She also says that guests should share these needs before their visit.
Take some work off your host’s hands
The best guests do more than simply show up. They pay attention, says Erika Hardnett, co-founder of The Home Sweet Hosts. “While a host may not always need help setting up or cooking, they are often on their feet, making sure everyone else is having a great time. Taking a moment to check in by asking if they have eaten, had a chance to sit down, or enjoyed the drinks they prepared can make a meaningful difference.”
Great guests read the room and remain aware of the host, creating space for them to breathe and enjoy what they have created.
Be flexible
“For me, the number one rule when visiting anyone is to make the atmosphere more comfortable rather than complicated,” says Richard Joseph, the director of entertainment & recreation at Voco Sandpiper-All Inclusive Resort. “If my host suggests an idea they’d like to do, I agree without hesitation, as it is usually suggested to enhance my visit.”
Lastly, when you are a guest in someone’s home, bring positive energy. Not only will your host remember how their guest made them feel, but they’ll also appreciate guests who don’t bring extra drama to life’s daily challenges.
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