Most of us know the feeling: you’re exhausted, but your brain won’t stop scrolling through your to-do list. You know you need some shut-eye if you’re going to make more progress with it tomorrow, but your body won’t play ball. It’s ironic and maddening. So it’s oddly reassuring to hear that Cate Blanchett – pristine queen of cool – is experiencing exactly this dilemma in her 50s.

In an interview with Harper’s Bazaar the actress says her long list of morning responsibilities (feeding the pets, walking the dogs, doing the school run) mean her alarm now goes off at five am. Meanwhile: ‘I love late evenings – the moment when everyone else goes to bed and I’ve got the house to myself.’ This too is pretty relatable – who doesn’t relish that vanishingly small window in which no-one is asking you where their PE kit is, what’s for supper or when that overdue piece of work will actually arrive. Bedtime can feel like the only part of the day that belongs entirely to you.

The problem, though, is that this doesn’t leave a huge amount of time for sleep. ‘I had a hard word with myself about a year ago and said, “You really need more than four hours,”’ says Blanchett. Without sleep, she acknowledges: ‘the wheels are constantly falling off.’

Sleep and your health

Last year, an umbrella review of existing research reinforced the importance of sleep for our physical and mental health. Sleep deprivation ‘appears to be a major cause of increased anxiety levels, emotional stability, aggression, mood and depressive states,’ researchers concluded. ‘It has been shown to predict a range of behavioral and psychological changes, including heightened irritability, reduced attention span, impaired emotional regulation and increased interpersonal conflicts, such as those within marital relationships.’ Oh dear.

Lack of sleep, they found, is also associated with obesity, hypertension, cardiovascular diseases and diabetes. The sweet spot for sleep, the researchers concluded was ‘typically falls between 7 to 9 hours of sleep per night. This duration is generally associated with the least risk for adverse health conditions, compared to both shorter and longer sleep durations.’

Why sleep eludes us in midlife

The problem? For many midlife women, a number of issues arrive simultaneously to clobber our sleep. Perimenopause and menopause can bring night sweats, hot flushes, anxiety and changes in mood. The long running, American SWAN study found that both sleep quality and quantity decline in women, beginning in peri-menopause and continuing through the transition into menopause and beyond.

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All this, while you’re also a fully paid-up member of ‘the sandwich generation’ – middle aged and caring for both dependent children and aging parents at the same time. Caught in the middle – juggling physical, emotional, and financial demands from two directions – it’s little wonder the brain spirals and sleep suffers.

So if sleep is eluding you, you’re definitely not alone. I see you. And in the interests of sisterhood, here’s one small step that’s making a difference for me.

The reverse alarm method

A reverse alarm is exactly what it sounds like: an alert that tells you when to start getting ready for bed, rather than when to get up. The idea is not that you will magically and suddenly fall asleep on command. Instead, the alarm protects the winding down process before bed, preventing yet another email or household task from pushing sleep further and further back.

How to set your reverse alarm

First, decide what time you need to set your conventional, morning alarm. Then count back. Let’s say you’re Cate (we might as well dream big here). You’re waking up at 5am to feed the chickens and have a cold plunge (stay with me…) You want to get around 8 hours of sleep before then, so you should be hitting the pillow at 9pm. Your reverse alarm needs to go off 60 to 90 minutes before that time. So sometime between 7.40 and 8pm.

When it rings, that’s your cue to starting winding down: dim the lights, finish anything genuinely urgent, put your phone away and step away from the TV. Start putting yourself to bed as you might with a baby. Have a set routine – wash your face, brush your teeth, change into your PJs, open a book.

Does a reverse alarm work?

If my experience is anything to go up, making your reverse alarm a hard stop is… not always feasible. If the alarm goes off and you still have laundry to fold or one more email to write, don’t beat yourself up. Let the alarm be a rough guide rather than yet another reason to feel guilty. Sleep is difficult enough without turning it into a test of self-discipline. But if you can use it as a reminder, it really is helpful.

There have been some bumps in the road, I still wake up at 2am remembering that extremely urgent thing I forgot to do (which won’t look remotely important come morning). But overall, my sleep is – whisper it – slowly improving. Sometimes the most useful change is to your attitude – simply reminding yourself that the day is allowed to end, then giving your body and mind enough time to start believing it.