They say opposites attract and my partner and I are living proof of this. With a job title like household advice editor, I’m naturally a bit of a neat-freak: someone who folds underwear (if Mark Darcy does it, why can’t I?), rolls towels and even panics when a hole has been inadvertently dug in my otherwise smooth butter pat. You get the picture…
As for my partner, the first time I helped him clean his room (I couldn’t help myself!), I found an old pizza box (with pizza still in it) on top of the wardrobe, used plates and glassware under the bed and a shockingly thick layer of dust behind the TV (I could even write my name in it).
Let’s just say it wasn’t my natural habitat and, you’ve guessed it, there have been a few arguments over the last 10 years. But I’m relieved to say we have adapted to each other and he’s come around to my peccadilloes. Here are the five crucial habits that have had the biggest impact on holding back the mess over the years:
1. Using the right tools
As someone who tests declutter methods on a regular basis – and who’s even created her own (check out Declutter by Degrees) – I know everything there is to know about storage solutions. Over the years, I’ve introduced a few key tools at home to help contain the clutter and highlight to my partner when things are building up again.
My favourite – and the most effective – is a small laundry basket I’ve given to him to break his floordrobe habit. This keeps all those items that have been worn but aren’t quite ready for the wash neatly contained. When it starts overflowing, it’s also an obvious prompt for him to sort through it. Other handy investments include a mail organiser to prioritise the bills that need paying (junk mail moves straight to recycling); catch-alls to keep our keys together; drawer dividers so piles in the drawer stop spilling into one another; and Lazy Susan turntables in the kitchen cupboards. This last one keeps all the tinned food accessible and means he no longer just pushes them to the back!
Handy storage solutions
2. Scheduling in the work
On the few occasions we’ve had spats about chores not being done, it was happening for a few reasons. For my part, I’d been noticing the work for some time, and it felt like we were just putting it off for one reason or another. As far as my partner was concerned, he was being commanded out of the blue to do something he wasn’t expecting, with no preparation or motivation.
That’s when we started scheduling in the jobs, which worked like a charm. By planning when things would be done in advance, I felt a little calmer about it and he knew about the work, so didn’t feel taken aback by it. This top tip came from my mum, who pencils everything into her diary. It’s especially useful when you have a long break, such as Twixmas, and want to get on top of several undesirable chores, such as cleaning the oven or emptying clutter from under the bed.
3. Following my lead
As I mentioned earlier, I declutter on a regular basis as part of my job, but it’s actually inspired my partner to join in as well!
When I tried the 30-Day Minimalism Game, I had to declutter a certain number of items according to the date of the month. By the mid 20s, I was working through my junk drawers and starting to panic – I didn’t want to chuck any valuable spare parts or tools. My partner was better placed to make decisions here, so he stepped in and did it for me. The work was done much faster together as we worked our way through to the end of the month.
Then, after I’d decluttered my wardrobe as part of the Reverse Hanger declutter technique, he looked at the result and decided he wanted to do the same. So, he emptied everything out and sorted through what he wanted to donate the next day. I had no idea how much influence my efforts could have on him, so it’s definitely worth trying a method or two to see if it rubs off on your own partner.
4. Maintaining the declutter
It’s not just about that initial declutter – it’s about maintaining it. If you keep your space as you like it – clear and organised – it will become as much the natural environment for your partner, too. For instance, our shoe cupboard was an absolute disaster, with pairs mismatched and stacked up in one big jumble. After I sorted through it, so there was one level on the floor and a dedicated shoe rack in the next room, it didn’t pile up again. In fact, each pair still sits in its dedicated space.
The same happened with our medicine cabinet. After I organised each type by category and date (so the oldest gets used first), my partner has stuck to it and doesn’t jumble it up. People are (hopefully) less likely to mess up systems when you’ve made a real effort to organise things. This goes hand in hand with the ‘Following my lead’ point above, but you need to watch that you’re keeping on top of things, or you’re simply opening the floodgates for chaos to reign again!
5. Showing appreciation
You don’t want to patronise or show surprise, but appreciation can make a world of difference and tells them that their efforts haven’t gone unnoticed. By showing what the effort means to you, it reinforces the importance of it and why it’s worth doing. My partner knows a clear space means a lot to me, so he now makes a conscious effort to pick up any clutter.
