1. Snogging. Everywhere. Public transport, park benches, in the middle of the cereal aisle in Tesco when you’re reaching for your Coco Pops.
2. Everyone becomes a poet. Roses are red, violets are blue, shall I compare thee to a Summer’s day? Oh wait….
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3. Horrendous, sickly sweet slogans adorning every restaurant, or shop in the land. Honestly, if we see another ‘Live, Laugh, Love’ fridge magnet…
4. The primary school memories. Oh, the primary school memories. The sneaky notes in lunchboxes, the shame of rejection and not forgetting your mum’s reaction when your boyfriend aged six gave you a card that read ‘Top Kisser.’ No wonder you’re scarred for life.
5. Cupid. Why is the ultimate love symbol essentially a creepy man in a nappy?
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6. Valentine events for singles. Whoever invented ‘traffic light parties’ needs a very stern talking to. Dressing up in green and shimmying around a dancefloor doesn’t scream fun. It screams ‘desperate’.
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7. Even if you’re not single, there will ALWAYS be another sickeningly smug couple who better your plans. ‘Oh, you had canapés on the London Eye? We just popped over to Paris, you know, for a night-time Seine cruise… no biggie.’
8. Your social media reaches peak nausea levels. Sometimes, you wonder if people go to romantic places simply for the Instagram pic.
9. Chocolate covered strawberries are not as sexy as they seem. You try eating them seductively.
10. There’s never a card to express exactly how you feel. AKA ‘I quite like you but I’m not sure if I love you/ ‘we’ve only been on 3 dates, is this card too forward?’
11. In fact, it’s fairly likely that the only card you’ll get is from your dad – because he feels sorry for you. And you’re not sure if that’s sweet or weird.
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