It’s easy to think about the worst-case scenarios when a party you’re hosting is on the horizon. It could be that the meal you spent hours prepping burns in the oven, you forgot to invite your best friend’s new partner, or you run out of ice.
The truth is, the worst-case scenarios don’t need to steal your attention. It’s the smaller and more likely mistakes that guests notice most. “Most hosting mistakes come down to trying to do too much,” says Kait Silberman, founder and creative director of Curated by Kait. “Hosting doesn't have to be a grand production to feel special. What makes it special is that you wanted people in your home and made a little effort to set the mood.”
Realistic expectations and a plan underscore the success of a party, whether it’s a small gathering or a large party, according to Dawn Ferris, owner and lead planner at Skylar Arden Events. “If you have a plan in place beforehand, it can be stress free for everyone,” she says.
Read on for five common hosting mistakes and how to correct (or prevent!) them, including what to do before the party takes place so everyone feels welcome.
Mistake #1: Not Communicating Details
When you’re planning to host people in your home or at a venue, it’s customary to send an invitation with the location, time, and appropriate attire. It’s also typical to share helpful information about how guests can get to the party—such as if a shuttle or valet is available, or if street parking is abundant—as well as what types of food will be ready when they arrive. Putting as much information into your invite (without writing a novel) allows guests to prepare, and keeps you from answering individual texts in the lead up to the big day.
“Ensure catering aligns with guest expectations and all dietary needs are communicated in advance,” says Ferris. “Understand guests' mobility restrictions and create plans so that you're not in an uncomfortable predicament. For home events, I advise confirming if there is elevator access or a ramp if it's a walk-up, or arranging for a driver with a golf cart for larger events. Simply put, transparent clarity helps reduce any uncomfortable friction that might otherwise happen on the day of an event.”
Feel free to ask certain guests who you think may need accessibility details how you can best support them. Just send a brief, but friendly text. By having an open conversation, they’ll feel welcome to attend and you’ll feel like these bases are covered.
Mistake #2: Not Enough Seating
It’s a simple logistics question: Where is everyone going to sit? If you live in a small apartment, it’s not realistic to think that a group of 20 can all have their own chairs at the same table for dinner. Everyone can still come, but you just need a little clever planning.
“I approach my at home events with a cocktail-style setup,” says Ferris. “Are there chairs for 20 people? No, but I have a mix of benches, loveseats, boho-style cushions, a couch for up to 60% of guests or more to be comfortable. This is coming from someone who started hosting in her 500-square-foot apartment. We always made it work.”
Remember now all guests will want to sit down at the same time. Some people might be more comfortable lingering, while others are likely fine with sitting on the floor.
Pay attention to flow. “Guests notice when there's nowhere natural to gather or the layout forces everyone into one awkward cluster,” says Silberman. “Think about how people will actually move through the space: where they'll enter, get a drink, and land. Sometimes I actually walk through the space once I’ve started to set things up to make sure it’s easy and comfortable for everyone.”
Mistake #3: Not Timing Food Preparation
Planning to cook a meal for your guests is a thoughtful gesture, but it can be awkward if they’ve arrived and you’re still stirring a sauce. “Nothing makes guests more uncomfortable than watching a host scramble in the kitchen,” says Silberman. “Have something out the second guests arrive, like crudité, a cheese board, and drinks. The other mistake is over-complicating the menu. So, to take a page out of Ina Garten’s book, ‘Two things done well are infinitely better than seven things done frantically.’”
Plan for the temperature your food should be served at and the overall smell of the room, she adds. “Open a window and light a candle an hour beforehand,” she says. Be sure to have a way to keep entrees warm, if needed, too.
Mistake #4: Too Much of a Plan
Hosting requires having things to do, or at least enough conversation to go around, but try not to make the event feel too structured. “The best events have loose structure and lots of room to just enjoy each other,” says Silberman. “Something I like to do, especially if hosting people who may not know each other as well, is to put a fun question or clue at each seat that allows guests to break the ice with their neighbor and help foster more natural discussions, versus a strict schedule.”
Consider having some sort of activity in the background that gives guests more to do than dance, eat, and chat, suggests Ferris. “Set up an experience, like a DIY flower bar or a photo location with a Polaroid,” she says. “A sweets bar is always a hit.” This also helps make your event more memorable, with a built-in favor loved ones will actually appreciate.
Mistake #5: Having the Wrong Energy
Hosts should pay attention to how their event looks—various lighting options, some dimmable—and feels. Outside of the physical details, such as lighting, food, and seating, a host should remember that they set the tone for their event, says Silberman. In other words, if you feel good, your guests will, too.
“Guests pick up on stress instantly,” she says. “Hosts tend to put too much pressure on themselves–they want it to seem as if Martha Stewart snuck out the back door before the party started. The most memorable events aren’t the ones with the most extensive decor, and the most memorable hosts aren't the ones with the fanciest table. They're the ones who seem genuinely happy you're there.”
To put forth this energy, give yourself enough time to carry out your reasonable plans, and then leave the rest up to the partygoers. “When logistics are handled in advance, you get to actually be present and have fun,” says Silberman.
Kelly Dawson is a writer, editor and marketing consultant. Her work has appeared in the New York Times, Architectural Digest, Travel + Leisure and other publications.
