Hosting can be such a joy, but it can also be such a nightmare. And this differentiation is usually all down to one factor that can make or break the success of a dinner party: the guests.
I’m sure we all think we’re delightful guests. But in reality, a lot of the habits and behaviors we think make us the perfect guest have quite the opposite effect. Behaviors like cleaning up, bringing gifts, or chatting can all actually end up hindering the hosts rather than helping them. These mistakes are easily done and, if you’re anything like me, I’m sure you’re mortified by the idea.
But never fear, I’ve employed some etiquette and hosting experts to help shine a light on what behaviors are secretly annoying our hosts, so we can all make sure to never commit these sins again. “The simplest rule I’d give any guest is this: don’t turn your attempt to be helpful into one more thing the host has to manage,” says Jeannine Rose, founder of Sweet Humble Home.
Here are the nine things guests should never do at a dinner party.
1. Bringing a dish, unprovoked
When I asked Jeannine, who writes about entertaining at home and making hosting feel less intimidating for a living, what one of her most dreaded pet peeve guest habits is, she knew immediately.
“One of the biggest is bringing an unplanned dish that creates work for the host,” says Jeannine. “It may be a lovely gesture, but if it needs oven space, refrigeration, a serving platter or last-minute preparation, it’s now another thing the host has to manage.” So remember, bringing a dish is only helpful—if the host actually asked you for it.
2. Being early
We all know being late is a big no-no, but so is being early. This is one that personally really grinds my gears. ‘Arriving before the published start time of the party is a major faux pas,’ says Nick Leighton, etiquette expert and co-host of Were You Raised By Wolves?.
“In those last minutes, the host is still scrambling to pull everything together and arriving at their doorstep before they’re ready for you just throws a spanner into the works,” says Nick—but this doesn’t mean you can be late, of course. “Sure, give yourself enough time to get there, but then stay in your car or walk around the block until it’s actually time.”
3. Clearing the table
As a former waitress, I do have a compulsion to stack plates and ease the load on my server when eating at a restaurant, but a dinner party is different. “Another one is clearing plates while someone is still eating,” says Jeannine. “Guests usually do this because they want to pitch in, but it can make the last person at the table feel terribly rushed. The same goes for scraping plates and stacking everything into a tower at the table. It turns dinner into clean-up before dinner is actually over.” If the host is ready to move on to the next course, they will be the one to instigate it.
4. “Just tell me what to do”
A common phrase from well-meaning guests, Jeannine suggests – it’s not as helpful as it sounds. “Now, the host has to stop, look around and find a job for you. A specific offer is much easier,” suggests Jeannine. And this makes sense. A lot of the time, a question like this will be received by a bashful host who doesn’t want to impose tasks on their guests (whether they need the help or not).
Instead, try looking for what you can do before asking. Try “Can I refill the water glasses?” or “Would you like me to carry these plates into the kitchen?” Jeannine suggests. ‘This gives the host something simple to say yes or no to.’ Much quicker, much more efficient—and actually helpful.
5. Technological interruptions
Social media, phones, and technology of all kinds have impacted so many aspects of our lives and hosting at home is certainly one of them. “Not only should your phone be on silent, but it should be out of sight altogether,” warns Nick. “Ditto if you wear a smartwatch and might be tempted to look at any notifications that come in. Nothing says to people “You bore me” like checking your phone around them.’
6. Hovering
Katie Mortram has a few thoughts when it comes to the chattier party guests. “When I’m in the thick of it—cooking and dishing up—it’s not super helpful for guests to hover around looking for conversation,” says Katie, and I couldn’t agree more. “If there’s no way to help in the kitchen, you can always serve drinks or watch the kids.”
7. Overstaying your welcome
The biggest mistake a guest can make is, of course, overstaying their welcome. ‘As for overstaying, guests often miss the small signals. The food is being put away. The candles are blown out. The host has stopped opening wine and started loading the dishwasher. You don’t need to wait until someone says, “Well, it’s getting late.” It’s much nicer to leave while the evening still feels good, advises Jeannine. As my mom always says, end a night on a high, don’t wait for the lull.
8 Rummaging
“One habit that quietly bothers hosts is guests opening kitchen cupboards and drawers,” says Jeannine. And she’s right. “They may only be looking for the bin or a serving spoon, but it can feel intrusive. Every kitchen has its own system and sometimes the drawer you’re opening is the one the host quickly shoved everything into before you arrived.” So save you and the hosts the embarrassment and just ask!
As the Household Advice Writer, Ella covers all things home – from clever cleaning tips to the organisation tricks that really do make life easier. Before joining Good Housekeeping, she was a full-time freelance writer and production journalist at The Independent’s IndyBest reviews section, where she covered reviews, roundups, and product-related news articles, focusing on areas such as homeware and lifestyle products. With a keen eye for what actually works, she’s passionate about sharing practical, well-tested advice you can rely on. You can reach her at her email address: [email protected]
