Talking with your parents or grandparents, chances are at some point they have regaled you with stories from their childhood and how things were “back in my day.” When it comes to social behaviors and etiquette, things have certainly changed over the decades, some would say for the better, while others would argue that point of view.
“In the 19th and 20th centuries, etiquette was far more restrictive,” says Diane Gottsman, a national etiquette expert and the founder of The Protocol School of Texas. “In today’s world, some might use the word stringent or severe when it came to etiquette in another time. Things have changed!”
Phones at the dining table? Pajamas on airplanes? Public displays of affection? Handwritten thank you notes? We checked in with Gottsman and Elaine Swann, lifestyle and etiquette expert, and author of Elaine Swann’s Book of Modern Etiquette for insights into everyday behaviors that were once considered radical and what flies in today’s world, and what still doesn’t.
Cellphones in public
When cell phones became more mainstream, it was gauche to bring them out in public. In fact, Swann says in the past she advised clients to leave their cell phones in their cars during job interviews, and never use them at a dinner table, but not anymore. Now, cell phones are the norm in job interviews, and who among us hasn’t snapped a photo of their meal at their favorite restaurant?
She adds that there are still some guardrails around cell phone etiquette, including not posting to social media during your meal or taking calls at the dinner table.
Casual dress
Gottsman says that while wearing hats and gloves in public was once a requirement, “Today, public dress standards have relaxed – often times too much! – in public places.
“Casual clothing is acceptable in day-to-day life, and depending on where you work, your choice may be formal or casual.”
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Comfy clothes on a plane
Taking casual dress a bit further, Gossman says that air travel in the mid-1900s required formal attire. Once on a flight in the early 2000s, I sat next to Walter Cronkite and his wife, both of whom were dressed to the nines – a suit for him a lovely dress for her.
“Pajamas are still not acceptable in public – including on airplanes,” she adds with enthusiasm.
Wearing a baseball hat in a restaurant
According to the Emily Post Institute, the practice of removing hats in certain circumstances dates back to medieval times: knights who refused to remove their helmets or lift their visors may have found their demise.
Today’s hat etiquette isn’t that dire, but Emily Post says baseball hats should be removed by both men and women in myriad situations, including in someone’s home, at breakfast, lunch or dinner around a table, and in restaurants and coffee shops.
Dropping in
In the 18th and 19th centuries, Gottsman says it was acceptable to “drop in” to someone’s home without an invitation, typically in the afternoon hours.
“If the person was not home, the caller would leave a calling card on a tray designated for this situation,” she explains. “Afternoons were considered a social window where visitors were welcome to stop by and visit. A short 15 to 20 minutes was appropriate, or it was otherwise considered overstaying a welcome.
“Today, dropping by someone’s home or office without prior warning can be considered quite rude, unless it’s an open office policy,” she adds.
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Requesting money as a wedding gift
When it comes to weddings, in the past, it was a radical idea, and even unfavorable, to ask for money as a wedding gift. Not anymore, says Swann.
“It’s more acceptable now, in many instances, it’s recommended to have money as part of your wedding registry,” she says, explaining couples are getting married later in life and may be more established so they don’t need traditional wedding registries for fine china and bed linens.
“Money towards a honeymoon or home renovations is most certainly acceptable,” she adds.
Not sending a 'Thank You' note
“While some people may consider writing a handwritten note in 2026 to be a radical move, texts and emails are nice, but not quite as warm and comforting for special occasions when a friend or family member needs or wants a more personal connection,” says Gottsman.
“There is nothing more soothing than receiving a handwritten note from someone you admire and respect, and taking in the details of the note, the handwriting and the special note card selected especially for you,” she adds.
Oversharing
Some people’s lives are an open book on their social media platforms – they share absolutely everything. In the past, “Folks would never think of that,” says Swann about the amount of personal information some share on social media. “That was something that just, you kept so much to yourself. And everything was done behind closed doors.”
