10 Old-School Etiquette Rules Kids Should Know
There's way more than just "please" and "thank you."
Growing up in a Caribbean household, my parents were BIG on etiquette. Saying "please" and "thank you" were non-negotiables. Interrupting a grown-up’s conversation without a polite "excuse me"? I could count on being scolded—immediately. Now that I have children of my own, I understand how crucial it is to be polite and courteous when interacting with others. It's up to parents (myself included!) to encourage their children to develop these character traits as they grow, and it's best to start at a young age.
For some pointers, I tapped etiquette expert Elaine Swann to find out the top social skills kids should know, from table manners to greeting others properly. "Everything we're teaching kids when they're young is not so that they can only be good kids, but so that they can be productive members of society. The foundation of that is etiquette—respect, consideration, and good manners," says Swann, who offers etiquette courses for adults and kids of all ages.
Saying "Please" and "Thank You"
Little ones shouldn't be exempt from mastering pleasantries. Even when they're young, saying things like "please," "thank you," and "nice to meet you" can become second nature with practice. "Toddlers and preschoolers are mimicking certain behaviors and even specific words at this stage, so get them to understand that when they do something, it impacts another person," Swann says.
Good Table Manners
"Kids should know how to navigate the table without offending others or making a mess of themselves," Swann says. She recommends practicing with kids at home as much as possible. Consider the basics, including sitting the right way, using utensils properly, and chewing with their mouth closed.
"It does something to you when you have a deep level of respect for someone, and then you sit down to have a meal, and they're holding their fork and knife like a caveman," Swann says jokingly.
Making Direct Eye Contact
"This depends on the age, but the older the child is, they should practice eye contact when speaking," Swann says. Whether they are chatting with a family member, a teacher in school, or meeting someone for the first time, the more practice, the better.
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Entering and Exiting Doors Properly
Swann offers an etiquette class solely on doors—and for good reason. If your child has ever forgotten to hold the door for someone behind them or barged into your closed bedroom without permission, you understand why this training is necessary. Knowing how to navigate doors is helpful as your child goes about their day.
Interrupting an Adult's Conversation
You know the feeling of a child disrupts your conversation with someone without saying "excuse me" first. It's best to nip this bad practice in the bud ASAP.
There are two rules Swann suggests teaching kids: "Step one is the entry, and step two is the wait. The entry is saying 'excuse me,' and the second step is waiting for permission to enter," she explains.
Coughing and Sneezing Safely
Teach your kid to cover their mouth with their elbow—not their hands—when coughing or sneezing. It's a good idea to keep tissue in their school backpack, too. "If you feel as though your nose is running or you're sneezing, make sure they get up and grab some tissue," Swann says. "They should know what's happening to their body."
Being Distracted by Electronics
If your child has a phone or tablet, don't let the device put a damper on their social skills. "We can't use electronic devices as a way to preoccupy our children, especially when there's an opportunity for engagement and conversation," Swann says. "It's important for kids to build the conversational muscle that is needed to thrive in everyday society."
Knowing When to Apologize
Let's face it: your child is bound to hurt someone's feelings at some point and will need to know how to apologize. Swann says every apology has certain elements. "They should start with 'I' and then naming whatever it is they have done or said, or how they made the person feel," she explains. "They could also follow up with 'I didn't mean to do that,' or 'I didn't realize I did that.' We can't just assume that they know how to apologize. We have to mimic that as well."
Not Ending Calls Abruptly
"One of the things we cover in etiquette class is ending a phone call, saying goodbye, and waiting until you hear that final word and not just hanging up," Swann says. This will come in handy, whether they're chatting on their smartphone or via Zoom.
Using Their Indoor Voice
Kids should be aware of their tone in places like restaurants, libraries, and churches. The best way to help them practice their indoor voice? Try different scenarios at home. Swan suggests giving your child to read a sentence in different volumes. Ask them how they would say it if they were at a park versus indoors, for instance. "We can tell our student to use their indoor voice, but they've got to know and understand what that audibly sounds like," Swann explains.
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