5 Phrases Kids Should Know How to Say Confidently, According to Experts

When I first started my parenting journey, I thought the most important skills my kids learned were the alphabet, sharing their spaces, or cleaning up after themselves. But as my five kids grew, I realized there’s another skill that deserves a spot on that list: knowing what to say—and confidently. And it doesn’t just come naturally.

Experts say that the right words can empower a child to ask for help, set a healthy boundary, or even avoid becoming the unwilling owner of the classroom pet over the weekend. And it turns out confidence doesn’t magically appear with age. It grows and strengthens with practice. Here are some of the key phrases experts say your kids should know how to say as they navigate life.

As kids grow, their knowledge grows with them. But admitting they don’t know something? That can be hard (even for adults). Don’t underestimate the importance of knowing how to admit they don’t know or understand something.

“It is very important for the kid to find the confidence to say this, and have the self-awareness and self-esteem, that it is ok to not understand instructions,” says Sid Khurana, M.D., a board-certified adult, child, and adolescent psychiatrist at Psychiatry Connection. “And it is okay to ask a person to clarify.”

Try it: Provide your kids the language to ask when they don’t know. Practice phrases to use like “I don’t get it,” “Can you tell me more about this part,” or “What does this mean?” Of course, reacting with patience to questions goes a long way too.

While we might be tempted to want to fix or navigate our children’s problems, giving them the tools to believe in themselves is essential.

“Over the past 20 years, we've seen that when children are consistently treated as capable and resourceful, they begin to see themselves that way too,” explains Jennifer Walker, R.N., B.S.N., and founder of Moms on Call, an online parenting resource based in Georgia. “And over time, those messages become their own inner voice.”

Walker says parents can help teach that resiliency even as young as toddlerhood by reinforcing a positive, encouraging inner voice with statements like “you’ll be great that” or “you’ll figure it out.”

“As parents, we are often the first voice of hope and encouragement our children hear,” she says. “When they hear messages like these from an early age, they begin to identify with accomplishment, perseverance, and problem-solving.”

Try it: Do you do this for yourself as an adult? If so, verbalize how you do it with kids, such as vocalizing your self-talk when dealing with a complicated problem or work crisis, or even just in a traffic jam. If not, it’s a great time to learn with your kids. You can even teach them to say, “I can take this one step at a time and figure this out. The first step is….”

Depending on your child, feelings can feel overwhelming or complicated. And for young children, knowing how to put their feelings into words might be scary. But experts say it’s important for parents to encourage a dialogue around what your child is feeling, even if there aren’t perfect words for it.

“The ability to express our feelings is the cornerstone of mental health and well-being,” says Lakiesha K. Oliver, L.C.P.C., Director of Mental Health and Wellness at Mingo Health Solutions in Las Vegas. “When children know they are safe to express how they are feeling, we normalize the range of emotions and open pathways to healthy coping, emotional management, and resolution.”

Additionally, don’t avoid helping kids navigate or acknowledge tougher feelings. “It’s very important for kids to learn how to recognize their negative feelings and know it is ok and actually better to express these, rather than push them down, which can then lead to explosive outbursts,” Dr. Khurana says.

Try it: Even as toddlers, we can help our kids get their emotions up and out of their bodies. Explicitly teaching ways they can and should express sadness, anger, frustration, and more means less throwing your most breakable glass in a fit, and more stomping around saying “I’m mad!”

As kids grow, involvement with technology evolves. And giving them key phrases to support them is important to keeping them safe on the internet.

“Whether a child opens a phishing text, accepts a weird follow request, chats with someone they don't know, or accidentally forwards a spam link, their first instinct is to delete the evidence out of shame or fear of device confiscation,” says Jim Festante, executive director at Health-e-Habits, a digital wellness organization out of Los Angeles. But he says it’s important that mentors step alongside to fix the security breach without threats and discuss how to be proactive in the future.

When it comes to technology, he says it’s important to teach kids to step away. “Middle and high school group chats operate 24/7, creating massive anxiety for kids who fear missing out or waking up to 300 messages and a shifted social dynamic,” he says. Modeling how to set a personal boundary shows them the importance of prioritizing their own focus and space.

Try it: Share stories about times you did something embarrassing or accidental online such as hitting reply all to the whole company, or accidentally posting a picture that wasn’t what you intended. This will normalize the imperfections of interacting with the digital world. In addition, give them specific sentence starters for how to ask for your help online, such as “I saw something weird and don’t know what it is.”

Two simple words that pack a powerful punch, no matter the age. Teaching a child to say “I matter” isn't about raising their ego. Instead, it's about building a foundation. Research shows that nearly 40% of U.S. teens report persistent feelings of sadness or hopelessness. The research has also found that young people who feel connected, supported, and valued are more resilient and less likely to struggle with serious mental health challenges.

“The fact that there is no other person exactly like them is a testament to their individual importance,” says Oliver. “This means, their voice, body safety, appearance, gifts, and talents all mean something.”

Try it: At the dinner table, talk about times each of you mattered to someone else today. Get your example ready—it’s not as easy as you think at first. Before long, your kids will be scanning for ways to notice and vocalize that they mattered. One of my kids once answered this with, “I let the dog out.” Gotta start somewhere, I guess.