As the founder of the world’s first book club entirely dedicated to self-help, the Shelf Help Club, Toni Jones knows the world of self-improvement better than most. ‘I’ve been reading and doing self-help for over 10 years,’ the journalist-turned-bibliotherapist tells Good Housekeeping.
Toni’s own journey into self-betterment began when she was 38 years old and completely burnt out. Having just left a 15-year-long career as a journalist and editor at some of the world’s biggest news publications, she was exhausted and in desperate need of a change.
She turned to a classic: How To Change Your Life In Seven Days by Paul McKenna. ‘It took me a year to read that book,’ Toni shares, ‘but it was the one that really did change everything. It kickstarted an obsession with doing and sharing self-help and personal growth.’
That one book inspired the launch of Shelf Help Club, a global book club that’s all about supporting readers to live happier and healthier lives. As part of this, Toni has now read more than 1,000 self-help books (on average she reads two self-help books a week), which means she’s able to cut through the noise and tell us what actually works – and what really doesn’t. 'I loved reading as a child and young adult, but stopped reading for myself when I started writing as a career,' Toni shares. 'Discovering self-help in my late 30s helped me rediscover my love of reading – now I read non-fiction to learn and grow, and also fiction as a way to calm my nervous system.'
Her decade in self-help has also enabled Toni to write her very own book, YOU (The Beginner’s Guide). Published through The Pound Project, this is a starting point for anyone who wants to make their life better but isn’t sure how to get going. At its heart, the book has a three-part framework built around three key questions: What has shaped you? Who are you becoming? What do you need right now?
‘Self-help books have utterly transformed my life by transforming my relationship with myself,’ Toni tells us. ‘So much so that I have now created a job and business around sharing and support supporting self-help. Through my Online book club, the Shelf Help club, I am able to connect people through their love of books, and support them to learn and grow and heal together, while also doing the same for myself.’
The first step to self-improvement: the connected self method
‘I believe that all self help or self improvement starts with first improving our relationship with ourselves,’ Toni explains. ‘After a decade of interviewing hundreds of authors and wellbeing experts, and working directly with thousands of readers, I have created my own three step process to help people do this. I call it the connected Self method, and it includes various techniques and strategies that I’ve learned from the books and used on myself, as well as with my members, clients and readers. The connected self method invites people to connect with three versions of themselves: past, present and future.
Here’s how to do it. First, connect with your past self by journalling. Try writing about a memory that has stuck with you, or respond to a prompt like: ‘I’m similar to my childhood self in these ways…’.
Then, connect with your self in the present. ‘I invite people to take an honest assessment of where they are thriving and where needs some TLC in their life right now – based on the SPIES framework (social health, physical health, intellectual health, emotional health, spiritual health),’ advises Toni.
And finally, connect with the future. ‘To connect with our future selves I love visualisation,’ says Toni, ‘and also dream setting, as shared by Paul McKenna in that first self-help book I ever read.’
The common mistake you’re probably making
We asked Toni what the most common mistakes are that women make when we dive into self-improvement. Her immediate answer? Trying to do everything at once, super quickly, in a big, dramatic total life overhaul. ‘Identifying one small thing that you can do differently, and doing that consistently, is much more powerful in the long-term than taking on huge goals that are unsustainable,’ Toni advises. ‘Consistency helps us build healthy new habits as well as a better relationship with ourselves as we learn to trust that we are able to do new things, and start treating change as a skill-building exercise.’
The 3 books Toni Jones recommends you read
'For help changing behaviour and starting new habits.'
Freedom Seeker Live More. Worry Less. Do What You Love.
'For help when you're feeling stuck, left-behind, or craving inspiration.'
'For help in silencing the inner critic, and supporting yourself better mentally and emotionally.'
