Poor old January gets a bad rap. Not only does the entire month suffer from being compared to the festive joy of December, but it’s also been stuck with the ‘blue Monday’ label (not a real thing, FYI). On top of that, it’s widely referred to as ‘divorce month’, with the first Monday of each new year called ‘divorce day’.
While it’s true that the culmination of holiday stress and ‘keeping things together for the kids’ makes splits more common in January, it turns out that’s not the only pressure point in the year. In fact, according to Honor Giles, a partner and mediator at Maguire Family Law, who’s helped tonnes of couples through divorce, the real peak comes later on. Namely in September, right after the summer holidays.
‘Every year we consistently see a spike in divorce enquiries when September comes around,’ Honor tells Good Housekeeping. ‘While many people believe January is the “divorce month”, in reality, we see a bigger influx following the summer holidays.’
Why summer divorces are so common
So why do divorce lawyers get so many requests as August winds down? It’s all due to the practical frustrations that pop up over the summer... and all that time couples spend together on holiday that blow any existing hairline cracks in a relationship wide open. Think of the summer period as the ‘crumbling floor’ for a relationship. You don’t notice the marriage breaking down at first, until suddenly the foundation has disappeared underneath you.
’The extended break places additional pressures on relationships, with families spending more time together and balancing childcare, work disruption and additional financial strain,’ Honor explains. ‘Trips away can also bring existing issues into focus and make them difficult to ignore. While a summer holiday doesn’t cause a relationship to break down, it can shine a spotlight on issues that have existed for months or even years. Without the usual distractions of work, school and busy routines, couples often have the time and space to recognise patterns in their relationship that they’ve previously overlooked or simply been too busy to address.’
The big summer holiday is supposed to be a chance to relax and spend quality time together. That’s rarely the reality. Think about all the pressure points that arise: the admin of planning the schedule, the hot weather (which makes you find your partner far more irritating), the financial stress of spending on flights and accommodation. Honor notes: ‘If one person is taking on all the mental load of booking the trip, packing for the family and making travel arrangements while the other simply turns up at the airport, resentment can quickly build. Often, one partner also feels responsible for making sure everyone enjoys the holiday and those unequal responsibilities can leave people feeling undervalued and ready to make a change when they get home.’
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And all too often, when you're miserable on a beach with a stunning view of the sunset, it brings into sharp focus that the issue hasn’t been just busyness at work. ‘Some couples book a holiday in the hope that it will improve their relationship, but time away is rarely enough to resolve long-standing issues on its own,’ says Honor. ‘While it may enable some people to reconnect, for most, it simply puts issues on pause or serves as confirmation that the relationship is no longer working. When people return from a holiday that didn’t have the desired effect, this is often the point at which they choose to seek legal advice.’
It’s a risky time that’s exacerbated if you have children who are suddenly out of school and expecting entertainment for six weeks. Honor tells us: ‘Hybrid and home working can also add to the pressure. While many parents are now working from home during the school holidays, this doesn’t necessarily mean they’re equally available to care for children. We often see situations where both parents are working full-time, but one person’s work commitments are consistently treated as the priority while the other is expected to juggle meetings around childcare, activities and the day-to-day running of the household. Over time, that imbalance can create significant resentment.’
And, just as parents tend to try to ‘make it through Christmas’, they also feel the pressure to ensure the summer is magical for the kids. This results in a lot of initiations of the divorce process in September, when ‘people feel they have time, privacy and clarity to seek legal advice’. ‘In some cases, people also want to begin the process early enough to make meaningful progress before the next major family occasion – Christmas,’ Honor adds.
The signs your marriage is at risk of a summer-into-September split
How can you tell if your relationship is particularly vulnerable in the summer holidays? Watch out for these signs...
You’re avoiding each other at all costs
Your calendar is finally open enough for date nights... so why do you feel an urge to fill it with solo trips out and excuses to be far, far away from your partner? Listen to that urge. While time apart is normal and healthy, chronic avoidance of the person you love is a signal that the relationship is over. The same goes for if every time you get home, you’re crossing your fingers that your other half isn’t in the living room.
The arguing is non-stop
You know you're in trouble when spending more time together doesn’t result in increased closeness but constant squabbles. ‘An increase in arguments can indicate deeper issues,’ explains Honor. ‘Spending extended periods together often magnifies habits that have been causing friction for some time, while disagreements about money, parenting approaches or work-life balance can place additional strain on a relationship.’
There’s pressure on the summer to fix everything
If you’ve been blaming your relationship struggles on just being busy with work or needing a holiday, be warned: that big trip to the south of France might not magically fix things. A strong marriage is one that has two people working as a team through whatever challenges life throws their way. If it feels like your relationship only works when you’re somewhere sunny, with minimal responsibilities and daily ice cream, your relationship just doesn’t work.
You’ve got completely different desires for your holiday
You want a city break with a schedule packed full of activities. They want to wake up whenever they want, lounge on the beach and leave the kids to their own devices (they can just build a sandcastle or something, right?). It’s okay to prefer different things, but compromise is key – and having holiday needs in complete opposition can spell bad news. ‘The holidays highlight differences in priorities,’ Honor agrees. ‘Perhaps your partner never wants to take time away from work to help with childcare or they consistently prioritise hobbies and social commitments over family time. If these are issues that have been present throughout the relationship, then the six-week break can bring differences into much sharper focus.’
Everything just feels a bit flat
‘Another sign that the relationship may no longer be the right one is spending time together over the summer but feeling disconnected,’ says Honor. 'Without the distractions of busy daily life, some couples realise their conversations revolve solely around practicalities, or that they’ve simply grown apart. Ultimately, it’s rarely one difficult period that leads someone to seek legal advice. More often, the summer break simply provides the time and space for people to recognise patterns in their relationship that they can no longer ignore.’
